True friendship is committed ... consistent in friendship.

True friendship is patient ... longsuffering

True friendship is kind ... gentle ... full of grace.

True friendship is forgiving and merciful.

True friendship overflows with thanksgiving and joy.

True friendship is meek and humble.

True friendship is peaceable.

True friendship reflects Spirit-controlled moderation:

True friendship culminates in selflessly serving others

★Trust ~ True friendship is trusting and trustworthy not jealous, suspicious, or deceiving.

Trust is the first and most important attribute of genuine true friendship. The most successful, thriving, and joyful relationships are those in which there is:

This kind of trust is possible only when people completely and thoroughly know each other. No secrets. Nothing hidden. Strong in faith.

True friendship flourishes by trusting, believing, and having faith in God, fully embracing this wisdom:

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6

★ Commitment ~ True friendship is committed, consistent, never fickle, wavering, or undependable.

The ultimate test and evidence of true friendship is unwavering commitment.

A fair-weather friend is not a genuine friend.

True friendship does not depend on feelings.

The evidence of true friendship is staying committed, staying faithful, staying loyal, staying dependable, staying devoted, and being consistent in friendship.

True friendship never fails ... never gives up.

Beware of counterfeit friendships! Counterfeit friendship is revealed in those who are just fair-weather friends, unreliable, unpredictable, impatient, unkind, unforgiving, sharp-tongued.

A double minded person is unstable in all their ways. ~James 1:9

Commitment applies not only to being faithful and staying committed to those you profess to love; it also means being committed to growing and improving in the attributes of true friendship in yourself.

By daily reading and reflecting on the attributes of true friendship – as well as the examples of the opposites of love presented here – you will be prompted to search your own heart and understand many ways in which you can grow and change for the better.

Are you willing to grow, change, and give yourself?

★ Acceptance ~ True friendship is being accepting of one's friend as he or she is; and never trying to impose your own expectations on that friend; and never trying to change them to make them someone different than just who they are.

Perhaps the biggest problem in all relationships is when one person is trying to change their friend ... and trying to get them to be different than who they are.

Certainly it is wise to choose friends carefully and wisely; and to seek friendships with those who are like-minded and "of one accord" with you. However, no two individuals are ever going to agree on absolutely everything.

Therefore, while it is crucially important to seek and choose friends with whom you share the same basic core values, especially in matters of faith and integrity and political beliefs; and, it is also important to choose friends with whom you share some common interests and some similarities in life goals and life-style; however, beyond that, it is of paramount importance to let your friends be who they are, and never, ever, try to change them or try to get them to be different than who they are.

★ Patience ~ True friendship is patient longsuffering ... not impatient not intolerant ... never quick-to-accuse but always willing to endure with composure.

Patience is by far the most difficult of all personal attributes to learn and maintain. Conversely, a lack of patience can be the most transparently revealing of all personal attributes.

While impatience is most noticeable in grumbling and complaining, faultfinding and criticizing others, and outbursts of anger or profanity; it is also apparent in many other ways: interrupting others, lack of respect for others, and even in a simple lack of common courtesy and good manners.

Patience and kindness are closely linked as the first attributes mentioned in this definition of true friendship. Notice also that being patient means not being easily provoked ... not getting angry ... learning how to keep calm, cool, and collected.

The key to learning patience begins when one makes a resolute decision to no longer condone impatience in oneself. Patience must be learned. No one is born with patience. Human nature is selfish, self-centered, and impatient. The opposite of patience is anger.

Impatience reveals itself in many different ways, all of which indicate varying degrees of anger, such as: being irritable, emotional, temperamental, touchy, hyper-sensitive, intolerant, short-tempered, easily agitated or exasperated, feelings easily hurt, quick to find fault, volatile, complaining, blaming others, ridiculing, belittling, rolling the eyes, being hostile, confrontational, bristling, antagonistic, belligerent, quarrelsome, contentious, baiting, provoking, over-reactive, indignant, argumentative, hot-tempered, intense, strife-provoking, harboring bitterness or animosity, and lashing out with a sharp tongue.

Whoever is angry ... without a just cause shall be in danger of the judgment. ~Matthew 5:22

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you. ~Ephesians 4:31

Instead of all these, learn to be patient, forbearing, enduring, tolerant, charitable, magnanimous, noble, ... and accepting of others ... just as they are.

Impatience and trying to change others to impose upon them the way you want them to be is surely a most destructive problem in any relationship. Trying to change others usually leads to resentment, defensiveness, animosity, arguments, harsh words, retaliations, sarcasm, snide comments, frustrations, and more confrontations, unhappiness, and regret.

The only anecdote for all this is to learn to be as pleasant, agreeable, relaxed, kind, conciliatory, and soft-spoken as possible. Because ... Speech is the mirror of the soul.

The words that you speak, the tone of your voice, and the expressions on your face all reveal your patience (or lack of it), your maturity, self-control, and a great deal about your character. Therefore:

Be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. ~James 1:19

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good person out of the good treasure of the heart brings forth good things ... out of evil treasure brings forth evil things. For every idle word that people speak they will give an account of it on the day of judgment. ~Matthew 12:36

Those who restrain their lips are wise. ~Proverbs 10:19

Those of few words and settled mind are wise. Even a fool is counted wise when keeping silent. ~adapted from Proverbs 17:27-28

Trials and tribulations are an inevitable part of life. No one is exempt. Adversity reveals patience ... or the lack of it. Even small things can often cause people to react in anger and offensive words jump out. But True friendship is always patient and kind.

The testing of your faith works patience. ~James 1:3

★ Kindness ~ True friendship is kind, gentle ... full of grace. True friendship always seeks harmony. It is never harsh, irritable, or mean-spirited.

Kindness is the easiest of all the attributes of true friendship to learn, to understand, and to master. It really is simple: Just be nice to one another.

You will never experience greater satisfaction in life than saying or doing something nice for someone. It is incredibly easy to do – for a spouse, a friend, a neighbor, a co-worker, or even a complete stranger. A kind word, a thoughtful act, a cheerful greeting, a compliment, an offer to assist someone in distress.

Be kindly affectionate to one another. ~Romans 12:10

Put on a heart of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, patience. ~Colossians 3:12

“Put on” means to make a conscious choice and decision to be especially kind and gentle toward others – to be more cordial, more congenial, more affable, tactful, respectful, considerate, attentive, polite, courteous, well-mannered, tenderhearted, and compassionate – intentionally being nicer and kinder than might be your natural tendency.

Kind and gentle words, actions speak louder than words.

Kindness is seen in both actions and in a gentle tone of voice and also in facial expressions. Being kind means being consistently courteous, polite, and thoughtful – always pursuing peace and harmony.

Be of one mind, having compassion for one another. Be affectionate. Be courteous. ~ 1 Peter 3:8

The opposite of kindness is seen in being aloof, thoughtless, inconsiderate, impolite, hard-hearted, unfeeling, detached, withdrawn, disagreeable, cold, callous, withholding affection ... or worse, becoming rude, mean, cruel, spiteful, vicious, strident, unseemly, crude, harsh, or abusive.

What goes around, comes around.

The Golden Rule ~ All things whatsoever you would that others should do to you, you do to them. For this is the sum of the law and the prophets. ~Matthew 7:12

Love your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Do good to those who hate you. And pray for those who despitefully use you. ~Matthew 5:44 ~ Proverbs 16:7

★ Forgiveness ~

True friendship is forgiving and merciful.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. ~Matthew 5:7

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another ... as God forgives you. ~adapted from Ephesians 4:32

If you forgive others for their trespasses then your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others for their trespasses neither will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses. ~Matthew 6:14

Having a forgiving heart toward others is liberating. When you can unconditionally forgive others you feel have wronged you, then you can be set free from harboring bitterness, hard feelings, or anger and having such feelings rise up from time to time.

Forgiveness is an absolute. It does not exist in degrees. Either you have unconditionally forgiven others, or you have not. There is no middle ground.

But if you are holding on to unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, or resentment toward anyone, then that reveals that you have not truly forgiven them. And if you do not forgive them, then neither has God forgiven you. It really is that simple. Being able to forgive is a revealing benchmark of one's ability to love genuinely with true friendship. Anyone who cannot forgive unconditionally can never give or experience true friendship.

If unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, or resentment ever resurfaces, then that reveals that the lesson of genuine forgiveness has still not been learned.

Forgiveness requires letting go. A baby bird can sit in its nest and flap its wings, but that is not flying. As long as it is unwilling to let go, it cannot fly.

So it is with forgiveness.

Forgiveness and mercy are closely related but different attributes. Mercy has to do with how you treat others. Forgiveness is a state of mind and heart and attitude. Both are reflected in being quick to forgive, being amiable, accepting, and lenient.

The opposite is withholding forgiveness, being judgmental, disapproving, blaming, condemning, bitter, resentful, hateful, vengeful, vindictive, and unwilling to let go of condemnation.

Forgive us for our debts in which we have done wrong to others as we forgive those we feel have done wrong to us. adapted from Matthew 6:12

Above all have fervent true friendship among yourselves. For true friendship covers the multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 ~ Proverbs 10:12

★ Thankfulness & Joy ~ True friendship overflows with thanksgiving & joy. It is continually appreciative and joyful. It is never a gloomy complainer. True friendship smiles, encourages, and reassures.

Be of good cheer. I am with you. ~Matthew 14:27

Rejoice in the Lord always. Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ~adapted from Philippians 4:4-6

Thankfulness and joy go hand-in-hand. Have you noticed that most people have either a cheerful, joyful, sunny disposition with a thankful attitude most of the time ... or else they tend to be the opposite ... grumbling and complaining with a negative attitude and an unthankful spirit.

The difference is a choice that people make.

Those who have a thankful and joyful outlook on life rarely grumble or complain. Instead, thankful people count their blessings, look on the bright side, maintain a positive attitude and optimistic outlook, and bear their burdens quietly. They often express praise, reassurance, and encouragement to others, always looking for the best in others.

It is a good thing to give thanks to the Lord and sing praises to His name. For His mercy endures forever. ~Psalm 91:1 ~ Psalm 107:1

Contentment and joy are a state of mind.

I have learned, in whatever state I am, there to be content. ~Philippians 4:11

True friendship thrives in joyful environments where friends and families and lovers are consistently appreciative of each other and where kindness, thoughtfulness, thankfulness, and affection are freely, frequently, and liberally expressed.

Choosing to be consistently thankful and joyful is an important key to keeping love alive and well.

In everything give thanks. For this is the will of God for you. ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

Notice what atmosphere, attitude, and conditions appear whenever there is a lack of thankfulness and joy in any relationship. Typically, there will arise sullenness, crabbiness, sarcasm, fault-finding, criticizing, sour dispositions, blaming, harsh words, pessimism ... tearing-down instead of building up.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. ~Galatians 5:22-23

Do not allow filthiness or foolish talking but rather give thanks. ~Ephesians 5:4

You and you alone decide whether you will be a thankful joyful person or an unthankful sullen complainer.

★ Humility ~ True friendship is meek and humble; respectful, accommodating, yielding; not proud, puffed up, or head-strong, not self-willed, haughty, or demanding.

Whoever will humble themselves will be greatest in the kingdom of heaven. ~adapted from Matthew 18:4

God hates pride, arrogance, a self-willed mouth. ~from Proverbs 8:13

God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. ~James 4:6 ~ Proverbs 3:34

Human nature is almost universally self-centered, self-willed, proud, vain, and certainly not humble. Instead, pride and self-will usually tend to increase unless and until something causes a transformation.

Pride and self-will show up in many different forms and degrees from subtle assertiveness to stubborn inflexibility to arrogance to becoming overbearing, demanding, controlling, rude, and manipulative.

Whoever exalts themselves will be humbled and those who humble themselves will be exalted. ~Matthew 23:12

Let nothing be done through strife or self-centered pride but in lowliness of mind esteem others better than yourself. ~adapted from Philippians 2:3

Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth. ~Matthew 5:5 ~Psalm 37:11

It is important to understand that meekness does not mean weakness. On the contrary, meekness is strength under control. Meekness is reflected in the way people react to provocation, confrontation or adversity. Self-centered human nature typically reacts with anger, a vengeful attitude, or by lashing out with harsh words. But meekness has the inner strength to maintain restraint and not retaliate in either actions or words in such situations.

Put on a heart of mercies, kindness, humbleness, meekness, and patience. ~adapted from Colossians 3:12

If someone is overtaken in a fault you who are spiritual should try to restore them in the spirit of meekness. ~Galatians 6:1

In sharp contrast to pride and self-centeredness, humble people are usually soft-spoken, polite, respectful, courteous, yielding, accommodating, flexible, and deferential toward others.

The Lord has shown you what is good. And what does He require of you, but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. ~Micah 6:8

★ Peace ~ True friendship is peaceable.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God. ~Matthew 5:9

When one's ways please the Lord, that makes even one's adversaries to be at peace with them. ~adapted from Proverbs 16:7

True friendship is always a peacemaker, even-tempered, slow to anger, relaxed, composed, unflappable, not defensive, not easily offended, soft-spoken, and silent in the face of anger or false accusations.

A soft voice can break hard bones. ~Proverbs 25:15

Everyone longs for peace. One of the keys to attaining peace is to minimize distractions, avoid the rat-race, and not allow external trappings to dominate your life ... and instead focus on inviting the Holy Spirit to live within you. In this way, you can attain peace and also become an ambassador of peace. There is no true happiness or peace apart from that which the Spirit can provide and will provide if you will just extend the invitation.

Be still and know that I am God. ~Isaiah 46.10

★ Moderation ~ True friendship reflects Spirit-controlled moderation a pure-heart, soft-spoken, gentle, heavenly-minded, not worldly-minded, calm restraint, temperance, tranquility.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. ~Matthew 5:8

Moderation is revealed in many areas of life including life-style, attitudes, and how people react and respond in challenging situations. For example, in life-style:

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth. Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. ~adapted from Matthew 6:19-21

Moderation in life-style means to live modestly, to not be materialistic, to not spend more than you earn, to avoid debt, and not become ensnared by extravagance, excess, or high-maintenance living.

Beware of covetousness. For one's life is not to be found in the abundance of things that one possesses. ~Luke 12:15

To be worldly minded is death. But to be spiritually minded is life and peace. ~Romans 8:6

Let your moderation be known to everyone. ~Philippians 4:5

The choices that you make in your life-style ~ and ~ in the way you act and react reveal who you really are.

Moderation is having the ability to avoid both over-indulging and over-reacting. It is the ability to remain cool, calm, composed, poised, even-keeled, steady in the midst of turmoil, restrained, discreet, mild-mannered, and forbearing.

The opposite of moderation is extremism, and that takes many forms including drunkenness, gluttony, hoarding, vanity, excessive image-consciousness, flaunting possessions, and flamboyant worldliness.

But beware ... the immoderate pursuit of pleasure, wealth, material possessions, happiness, fame, or power is a dead end road. Instead, hold on to the things of this world loosely.

To experience true friendship requires avoiding excesses and extremism, and instead maintaining moderation in all things with a pure-heart – to be moral, ethical, honorable, frugal, conservative, and one who stays within reasonable limits.

★ Selflessness ~ True friendship culminates in serving others with a willing and a cheerful heart and without seeking anything in return.

Selflessness is the single most defining attribute of genuine true friendship.

Selflessness means to have a servant's heart toward others ... to be more concerned about others' well being than with your own self-centered interests.

Who is greatest among you shall be your servant. ~Matthew 23:11

The problem, though, is that human nature is the exact opposite. From birth, human nature is universally self-centered, self-willed, self-serving, self-justifying, selfish, self-preservation and self-gratification seeking, ego-driven, and concerned mainly with looking out for number one ... self.

From birth, infants fuss and cry when they are not happy and when they want to be fed and changed. Children tend to be very possessive with their toys, and some scream and throw tantrums if they don't get whatever they want immediately when they want it.

Sadly, too many adults never grow out of that childish, self-centered mindset.

A monumental change is necessary for anyone to become transformed from me-first self-centered into being genuinely selfless.

Do not be conformed to this world. But be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. ~Romans 12:2

To be self-centered or selfless ... is your choice.

Adults generally continue to have a self-centered human nature ... some continuing to behave like spoiled children with temper tantrums when they don't get their way ... and some evolve to more subtle forms of asserting self. However:

True friendship does not seek its own way. ~1 Corinthians 13:5

The key to true friendship is to just let others be who they are, not try to change them, and not become a self-asserting, controlling, domineering personality.

Put away the old self with its self-centeredness. ~Colossians 3:9

Let there be no self-centered pride, but in lowliness of mind esteem others first. ~Adapted from Philippians 2:3

True friends accept one another just as they are.

True friends need to selflessly encourage and be consistently kind to each other. No one should ever nag or try to change their friend. No one should ever try to manipulate or control or try to impose their will on the other.

★ Tenacity ~ True friendship and faithful devotion by one person in a relationship does not guarantee that such devotion will always be reciprocated. However, making the choice and decision to grow and continually improve in all of the attributes of true friendship will always be the best course to follow.

Therefore, always strive to be the best friend that you can be; and beyond that, trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6.

Copyright 2000-2021 Josef G. Lowder
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All Scriptures verses are quoted or adapted from   The AV7 Invitation Bible